I have to write because I’m going crazy here.
Today is a pivotal day in our life. Tim will either meet goal at work; or he’ll come home without a job.
A little history:
Tim and I have been married 12 years. All of those 12 years, including the 3 that we dated, were in vocational ministry. It’s all we’ve ever known. In September of this year, for many reasons I won’t go into, Tim resigned from his pastoral position at the church he’d been working at for 5 years. We expected to move right into another church and continue along on this path we thought was so clearly marked for us.
We couldn’t have been more wrong. There weren’t any jobs, ministry or otherwise, that opened up for 5 months. He worked for his brother to make ends meet, but we were starting to wonder how this was going to work out. Those months of searching for a job, also included some soul searching for both of us. (Isn’t that the way it usually works though?) I can’t get into all that yet, as I’m still working through the process, but I’m finding that God is so much bigger than I ever imagined.
In February, Tim was hired by Zillow as an inside sales consultant. And we began a brand new page in our lives. The learning curve has been steep for Tim and for 2 months, he worked his tiny little hiney off for very little return. I must add here that I’ve never been more proud of him and I’m convinced more than ever that Tim can do anything he puts his mind to. He is such a hard working man! Although he wasn’t meeting goal, he’s been improving each month and getting the hang of selling. He’s improved so much this month, that his boss gave him more time to meet goal. But the deadline is today. And the thing is, he’s within reach. He could totally do it today. He’s got some big deals in the pipeline, but they just need to come through today.
And so I sit here. Anxious. Excited. Hopeful. Nervous. And completely unsure of what our future holds.
It’s a crazy place to be. A place that I’ve found myself in more often than I (who likes to feel safe and secure and prefers things not to change) care to be. But it’s amazing how past experiences can prepare you for future challenges. And though the risks are high and the potential to be out of a job, and therefore out of a house, are very possible; I find myself ok with it (at this moment. tomorrow may be another story).
And though I’m not convinced that all of this is “God’s will for my life”. I am convinced that God is always with me. That He hears my cries. That He loves me. And that I can learn from any situation.
And so, with that in my back pocket, I’ll wait (and silently plead that Tim meets goal).
Until 5:30, to know which direction we’ll be heading in next.
Oh. My. Word.
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*Updated 6/14/11*
To conclude the above post, Tim was just short of goal that day, but was given another 2 weeks to to try and reach it (his boss liked him). But He just couldn’t do it.
Tim is looking for work again. Ugh.
